It's the season to be holy
Christmas time can be a beautiful time and a very difficult time too. We all know it. No matter where you are on the spectrum, fairy, angel or Scrooge, Christmas always plays with your sense of self, security, roots and sense of belief. It’s a time to share yourself, to give and be grateful, but it’s also midwinter solstice and end of year, and inevitably a season to reflect, take stock, ponder before planning; wishing upon a star, strategising and creating resolutions.
Add to that, we just had a full moon in cancer which brought our sense of the feminine, and the great mother within, out into the sphere of our interactions. So, it’s a fantastic time to rest, take care of yourself and gently nurture your intentions for the new year ahead.
So for me, the season started with hibernation, a planned hibernation of self care. I filled the fridge with food I indulge with, got myself a nice cosy read and played music I like on the WiFi. Notice how my senses are all involved- I’m surrounded with pleasures, it doesn’t matter what they are, what matters is that they are me, my story, my time. And that I take the liberty to make the season work for me. In my case, I have cheese and olives in the fridge, deep techno on the speakers and I’m reading Michelle Obama’s biography. It’s no big deal. They are my pleasures, no guilt or shame about them. The thing about the season of hibernation is that it gives us the time to submerse ourselves in the darkness. We have become alienated from the night- we no longer hear its voice echoing stories from beyond. In our city and urban life, the night is filled with lights, which sometimes shade away our own glow. If we allowed ourselves the time to sit quietly into the night, and face the deepest darkest blanket, we would surely hear the voice of our own moon, howling secretly for us to be present. So I made a clear intention to do nothing. I actually wrote in my diary- do nothing- and I did. I sat and wondered, no Internet, no TV, just sat and looked at the Christmas tree, blinking quietly, oddly familiar inside my house; I closed my eyes, and breathed. And within the breath, I could find the circumstance of my experience. I focus on this moment which got me here, in this house in east London and the whole year comes tumbling down. Then come the thoughts: it was a good year. I made happen all that I could control, and I gave up control of those aspects of life I just can’t control. Lesson one of 2018- there’s a bunch of stuff you can’t control and a bunch of stuff you can. Know the difference and you won’t ever feel frustrated or angry. Learn to surrender whilst at the same time acting towards your desires, acting upon the aspects you can influence. Life is a mix of this duality: giving up and persistence. Acting and observing. Accepting and taking charge.
Lesson two- setting intentions is super powerful. And acting upon them by turning them into goals, and measurable steps is brilliant. This shit really works. I’ve never experienced the power of action planning like this year in my life. The idea that dreams can be manifested is truly a wonder because when you commit and spend time and dedication to following through, it's not just healing and transformational- it’s manifesting. So I’ve spent this year by implementing a new habit which has worked wonders: 30 minutes planning in the morning, 30 minutes reflecting in the evening. Planning, strategy, evaluation. Day after day. Action after action. Making each day more productive, more self-aware, more intentional. It doesn’t matter what I achieved this year, really, not anymore. I often come towards the end of the year and think about the achievements and successes, but not this year. This year I gained the domain of time. I learned time is non-linear. I learned the cycles of the moon and the stars, and I learned the cycles of my body, the phases of the moon and the phases of my menstruation. These have been my mentors: my period and the stars.LOL! AhAh!
And what they taught me is that your mind creates time. So to recap: step one know your circumstance, step two know your thoughts, step three know your feelings, step four- own your time. I can't believe how much time can stretch and mould itself around the mind. Time feels like playdough, clay, elastic- I never had so much of it because I dedicated time to contemplate it. I am amazed on how powerful women can be and how deeply ingrained in our veins our wisdom lies. I am amazed at how civilisations worked so hard to oppress this wisdom calling it witchcraft, sin, taboo. Politics and feminism- even these got mixed and confused and alienated the authentic truth. I'm excited for the change we are going through as societies grow and women gain awareness and confidence. Slowly we start understanding by uniting Eastern and Western philosophies, and by interconnecting religions and esoteric studies that there's nothing mystical about this stuff: it's just simple evolution. The matter is 2018 has shown more and more clearly that what we thought was freedom isn't good enough and that we are worthy of much more. As our love for Earth grows, and climate change awakens our sense of care and responsibility for the planet, so we grow our love for ourselves.
2018- what have I achieve? Who cares? No one gives a shit! Lots and lots and lots. I have achieved shit lots. But more importantly, is that this is no longer the question- it doesn't matter any more because time isn't linear and neither is my thought. I am looking at the bigger picture. I am no longer following my left brain approach in the fixed mindset patriarchy created for me and others. I am looking at stars spotted in the skylight, and thinking about how I evolved and how I grew, and the quality of it, over the quantity. And I want to sense all of this growth, and sit in it, tranquil and powerful. Waiting for the New Year. Because you know what folks? I got time! And lesson three- waiting is a gracious act. This year I learned to wait, to be patient, to appreciate things take time, and don't happen over night. I learned that quick isn't better. Quick isn't success. Quick is not quality. Slowing down is the biggest mentor and the best coach. Defensiveness like impatience is a sign of frustration and inner conflict. There's God in the waiting, in the in-between, in the gaps, in the empty spaces. And every time you sit waiting, sit with yourself, be alone. There's much to learn when you sit alone, waiting. As a life coach, I know productive action comes from waiting or contemplating, hearing from within where the direction takes us.
So, may 2019 be a wonder of a year: awake, believe, act and achieve.